tonight, i had a sensible conversation with ate monette.
it's been a luxury these days to strike a talk as deep and as serious as the one we just had, considering how crazy our schedules are and how tired we always are after work.
we talked about how things are going on with us and with several people we know and look up to.
we talked about where we are and how we feel about it.
we talked about our plans and dreams and visions and illusions even before we got here in singapore and the things we want after this.
yesterday, i was telling her how tired i've been feeling, the kind that makes me feel like all the energy and enthusiasm i have in my body have been sucked out of me, and i joked about wanting to get married to a young rich man so that i wouldn't have to work anymore, about wanting to be a plain housewife whose only job would be to take care of her children and husband and make sure that their home is always a pleasant place to live in.
i laugh about it now, because in the course of our conversation tonight, i was telling her about my desire to achieve something. (sometimes, i just get overwhelmed by how tired i feel that makes me wish crazy stuff and entertain silly thoughts.)
tonight, i feel more like my fresh-highschool-grad-self who has tall dreams and ideals.
ate monette and i share the same desires somehow. we want to study some more and go someplace. although singapore is a very organized place that it's a joy to stay here, we both don't think this is where we will settle for good or for a long time at least. to live here is expensive, to say the least.
it came to me as a gentle shock to realize that all these years, i've been playing safe. i desire easy targets. i wait for things to be served to me in a silver platter with very minimal effort required of me.
it's not really an unfortunate thing, it's just that i don't remember myself wanting something so bad that i had to work my way to achieve it.
i want to know how it feels like.
my lack of enthusiasm lately is congruent to my lack of direction and control. going with the flow, i learned, is the very reason why i am feeling tired.
it's not enough to go back to the philippines rich and well-of and ready to start a business. i need an achievement more personal than that.
and i realized that i want to learn some more on something that i am best at, but even that i am not certain. i don't know where or what exactly i am best at.
that i'll figure out while i'm saving up here. and in a year's time or so, when i have enough money to choose whatever school i want to go to in whatever country i fancy, i'll take a master's degree.
self-actualization. i remember that's the top spot in maslow's hierarchy of man's needs. and with my brother's successful college exit this year, at last, and my ending financial loan, it's gonna be my top priority now.
8 months.
8 months. if i were pregnant, one month more is all i have to wait to deliver the baby.
8 months. and now my hair is in its awkward length.
it's been 8 months since that "life-changing" moment. 8 months, since i started a crazy-beautiful-sometimes heartbreaking journey in singapore. maybe, it wouldn't be as beautiful as i think it is if it wasn't for the many people who made me feel that this place is a second home. most essentially, if not for marva & ate monette.
the universe is simply good to me when my life's timeline was synchronized with ate mon's & marvs', of all people. we had our last-minute processing of papers together and we got to be together on that plane ride. from that day forward, i just new that the entire "ride" will be more exciting.
and i am right.
8 months. a friendship that started on that plane ride 8 months ago evolved into something so beautiful today. and it just keeps getting better everyday.
8 months. and now my hair is in its awkward length.
it's been 8 months since that "life-changing" moment. 8 months, since i started a crazy-beautiful-sometimes heartbreaking journey in singapore. maybe, it wouldn't be as beautiful as i think it is if it wasn't for the many people who made me feel that this place is a second home. most essentially, if not for marva & ate monette.
the universe is simply good to me when my life's timeline was synchronized with ate mon's & marvs', of all people. we had our last-minute processing of papers together and we got to be together on that plane ride. from that day forward, i just new that the entire "ride" will be more exciting.
and i am right.
8 months. a friendship that started on that plane ride 8 months ago evolved into something so beautiful today. and it just keeps getting better everyday.
the one who walked away
i had a funny experience.
i have a friend who walked out of my life months ago and "came back" recently.
it has been more than half a year, actually. during the first few months, i was kinda devastated. i even tried to revive the friendship we had. but i didn't try hard enough. not because i'm a bitch, but because i am a strong believer of true friendship. and true friendship, to me, means never having to walk out of each other's life no matter how ugly and sour things become.
if someone can't stand the things i do and fail to do, i let them go their merry way. i don't cling on to them and i don't beg them to stay. because there's a whole lot others who will simply let you be, who will get offended when you make harsh remarks, but will accept your apology, who will get hurt when you fail to fulfill your promise but will understand anyway.
in all honesty, i don't harbor any ill feelings when somebody walks out of me. i also do that when i begin to feel that a person is toxic. i get away. it's our right to do so. as they say, we can't choose our parents, but we can choose our friends. it's a freedom we all should take full advantage of.
i was surprised to receive a pm from her out of the blue few days ago, asking me if we are okay, telling me to put the past petty misunderstang/tampuhan/whatever behind and be good friends, just the way we were.
who am i to reject that? i was
okay and i wasn't even mad at her for ignoring me for such a long time.
maybe some friends are like that. they will distance themselves, take a space, and clear their heads. and one day, no matter how long it will take them, they'll be right back, ready to accept that you'll still be the same you--someone who may fail to keep a promise, who will be brutal and honest, and will still want to patch things up and be a friend all over again.
oh girl friends! they can be full of drama sometimes, but i really can't imagine a life without them.
i have a friend who walked out of my life months ago and "came back" recently.
it has been more than half a year, actually. during the first few months, i was kinda devastated. i even tried to revive the friendship we had. but i didn't try hard enough. not because i'm a bitch, but because i am a strong believer of true friendship. and true friendship, to me, means never having to walk out of each other's life no matter how ugly and sour things become.
if someone can't stand the things i do and fail to do, i let them go their merry way. i don't cling on to them and i don't beg them to stay. because there's a whole lot others who will simply let you be, who will get offended when you make harsh remarks, but will accept your apology, who will get hurt when you fail to fulfill your promise but will understand anyway.
in all honesty, i don't harbor any ill feelings when somebody walks out of me. i also do that when i begin to feel that a person is toxic. i get away. it's our right to do so. as they say, we can't choose our parents, but we can choose our friends. it's a freedom we all should take full advantage of.
i was surprised to receive a pm from her out of the blue few days ago, asking me if we are okay, telling me to put the past petty misunderstang/tampuhan/whatever behind and be good friends, just the way we were.
who am i to reject that? i was
okay and i wasn't even mad at her for ignoring me for such a long time.
maybe some friends are like that. they will distance themselves, take a space, and clear their heads. and one day, no matter how long it will take them, they'll be right back, ready to accept that you'll still be the same you--someone who may fail to keep a promise, who will be brutal and honest, and will still want to patch things up and be a friend all over again.
oh girl friends! they can be full of drama sometimes, but i really can't imagine a life without them.
to the only love i know.
days ago, i was thinking about what to give you or what to do to make your birthday a little more special than it already is. i feel compelled to do something extra sweet to compensate to the fact that i'm here and you're there. but truth is, there's really nothing i can do to cover that up.
there are a bunch of significant reasons why this day calls for a celebration--why you were born. but there is one of those reasons that smittens me--you were born for me. do you believe that? because i strongly do.
always, when there is nothing much left for me to think or worry about, i take comfort in reminiscing the times when i first knew you. you were very much a typical highschooler then. we were opposites. i was stiff, serious and unfriendly. you were fun, easygoing, and lovable. many years after, i'm pleased to think that we got to go to the same school, became classmates and that our paths crossed.
do you know that i am proud of you? i'm proud of you because i know exactly who you are. i'm thankful too that you gave me the chance to get to know you to bits, to the depths of your being.
to a friend, you are generous and ever-helpful. many times, i have witnessed that. you give whatever you can give and you help at the greatest extent that you can.
i'll always be amazed too, at how much you love your mom. it's obvious to me and to everyone. and i respect you and people like you so highly. i know too how much you love your dad, even when you don't make it too apparent.
when i think about all the things that you've been through in all the years that passed, i fall more deeply in love with you and i get even prouder of you. you surpassed all of those and you won over them. and you're closer to becoming into a man that you wanted to become.
(i am doing this last minute blogging and you cut me off by making a tango call. but that was actually sweet of you to make that quick call to show tita/mommy to me and me to her ☺. thank you! that just made me love you more.)
i'm lucky to have you. truth is, i'm thankful to God and to the universe that i didn't go through the trouble of meeting and loving a number of men, and having my heart broken numerous times in the end.
sure, i went to a lot of heartaches with you. but i don't regret any of them. i'm glad that it is with you, and YOU ALONE, that i shared all those juvenile mistakes, petty fights and hardcore heartbreaks. i'm glad that after all the bad times, we are together to pick the good times up, and together still to make new ones.
you give me so many reasons to be happy. and i'd go mad thinking about a future spent with somebody else and not you.
i can actually go nonstop pouring out all my thoughts about you. i have plenty of them. but i'm confident i have an entire lifetime to do that.
so for now, all i just wanted to say is that i'm extremely grateful that early in life, i found, and lost, and found once again (thank heavens!) that one man who was born for me, the one who's crazy enough to be willing to understand me and care for me and love me even at my worst.
"it's as if the power of the universe conspired to make you mine.."
-born for you
happy birthday dada! i love you, truly, madly, deeply, for the highschool boy that you were, the man that you are now, and the man that you will become.
there are a bunch of significant reasons why this day calls for a celebration--why you were born. but there is one of those reasons that smittens me--you were born for me. do you believe that? because i strongly do.
always, when there is nothing much left for me to think or worry about, i take comfort in reminiscing the times when i first knew you. you were very much a typical highschooler then. we were opposites. i was stiff, serious and unfriendly. you were fun, easygoing, and lovable. many years after, i'm pleased to think that we got to go to the same school, became classmates and that our paths crossed.
do you know that i am proud of you? i'm proud of you because i know exactly who you are. i'm thankful too that you gave me the chance to get to know you to bits, to the depths of your being.
to a friend, you are generous and ever-helpful. many times, i have witnessed that. you give whatever you can give and you help at the greatest extent that you can.
i'll always be amazed too, at how much you love your mom. it's obvious to me and to everyone. and i respect you and people like you so highly. i know too how much you love your dad, even when you don't make it too apparent.
when i think about all the things that you've been through in all the years that passed, i fall more deeply in love with you and i get even prouder of you. you surpassed all of those and you won over them. and you're closer to becoming into a man that you wanted to become.
(i am doing this last minute blogging and you cut me off by making a tango call. but that was actually sweet of you to make that quick call to show tita/mommy to me and me to her ☺. thank you! that just made me love you more.)
i'm lucky to have you. truth is, i'm thankful to God and to the universe that i didn't go through the trouble of meeting and loving a number of men, and having my heart broken numerous times in the end.
sure, i went to a lot of heartaches with you. but i don't regret any of them. i'm glad that it is with you, and YOU ALONE, that i shared all those juvenile mistakes, petty fights and hardcore heartbreaks. i'm glad that after all the bad times, we are together to pick the good times up, and together still to make new ones.
you give me so many reasons to be happy. and i'd go mad thinking about a future spent with somebody else and not you.
i can actually go nonstop pouring out all my thoughts about you. i have plenty of them. but i'm confident i have an entire lifetime to do that.
so for now, all i just wanted to say is that i'm extremely grateful that early in life, i found, and lost, and found once again (thank heavens!) that one man who was born for me, the one who's crazy enough to be willing to understand me and care for me and love me even at my worst.
"it's as if the power of the universe conspired to make you mine.."
-born for you
happy birthday dada! i love you, truly, madly, deeply, for the highschool boy that you were, the man that you are now, and the man that you will become.
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