manic love song lover.

i love love songs.

i love listening to them through my earphones, like some hopeless romantic lover in trance and lost in the moment. i love hearing them from bus and jeepney radios, as i sing along discreetly, by the window, looking outside like filming a senti mtv video.(that happens once in every 50 public commute encounters. so don’t you dare start thinking i’m a pathetic drama queen.) i love mouthing their lyrics while doing my lone long walk, even if it's as outdated as "skyline pigeon," uncaring if street strangers notice or not. i love singing them in videoke, with best pals in some ktv place, or alone at home.

they are addictive. they are therapeutic. they bring back memories of time lost and spent. and bring afresh dreams of love to find and keep.

sometimes, i wish there is a specific someone i can associate all these love songs with, someone i can particularly think of, or one significant man i can sing-along with. sometimes, i get a funny empty feeling singing duet songs all by myself.

there was a time i thought i found him. he loves duet love songs as much as i do. we gamely sang the likes of destiny, i finally found someone, cruisin' and the search is over, amidst the teasing and coaxing of everybody. for a while, it was all fun. we were having so much fun that we even sang other non-duet songs as if they are. but the fun and the "perfectness" of the moment was cut short when he blatantly mispronounced words after words after words. ouch to me. and to him, a hundred pogi points down the drain. for one second there, he made love songs less magical. and right then, i silently concluded, the search is still not over after all. 

anyway, it’s not always that I have that wishful thinking to sing love songs with and for someone. most of the time, i’m okay with how things are.

so yeah, i’ll stand firm with my daydreaming (and suffer the funny empty feeling every so often), until i can truly stand having someone i can sing along with..with or without mispronounced words, or maybe someone whose quirks and shortfalls i won’t sweat about, someone who’d be an exception to the rules i created. or in a much deeper sense, until I learn what unconditional love is all about. 

just as how these love songs say so.