when i felt it was too much, even when i was too stubborn to still fight, i let go. completely. totally. i died inside i suppose.

but i came back to life.

they say, we have to empty our hands so we can hold the blessings that are yet to come.

then this, after almost a year of calm seas and peaceful days, happened. unplanned. unexpected. something i didn't even pray for. but it's good. it's fun. it rocked the boat.

but this pain that followed, i dislike it. i won't take it. so maybe, i'm asked to empty my hands again. and shed a few tears in the process.

i never learned. i never even changed, for the better. and this is what frustrates me the most.