for three days now it's the first thing i want to lay my hands on every morning and the very last thing i want to hold at night. i find it hard to get myself to sleep right away even after past midnight because i want to learn to play it the soonest i can. even with my now growing calluses, i feel the need to continue learning, memorizing & practicing the chords. this part i don't find too difficult. i'm good in memorization if i want something so bad. the only trouble i'm having is the strumming part. my timing sucks. and for so many times i sigh & almost cry in frustration. funny how my housemates constantly remind me to take it slow and easy. of course i know that. to me, it's just an impulse to sigh in resignation whenever i don't get something right. but this doesn't mean that giving up is an option. of course i know that i can't expect myself to be good only after a few times of practice, most especially that i'm learning it on my own.
i get frustrated many times. i kind of hate it that my fingers are too small that they hurt everytime i need to extend one finger to one fret and one on another just to get the chord right. my voice is not even exemplary that knowing how to play an instrument poses no definite logic and sense.
but believe it or not, for three days now, i like the emotion that stirs restless inside me (or is is just inside my head?). so this is how it feels like to want something so frickin' bad. i can't remember the time when i last felt that. it's a sensation that revs me up sometimes in a bad pressuring way, but most of the time in a good inspiring one. i want this and i want to keep on feeling this feeling.
i may continue learning or i may lose interest in the end. i am not really sure. truth is, i don't expect myself to be an expert guitarist. but this is something i'll enjoy while the drive lasts.
good thing i'm usually alone in the house that i don't have to worry about disturbing anyone with the noise i'm making.
yeah. especially on the first two days, i am so terrible in this that all i hear is noise from all the strumming. but i know, one day, i'll stop making noise and i'll start making music.
i promise, i will.:)
