bum.

it has been almost a month ago since i was a bum. 

i used to be excited about it.  back on the day when i handed over my resignation letter to my superior, i anticipated my long-wished-for FREEDOM.  i borrowed dvd series, raided booksale, organized get-together’s at home, looked forward to getting loooong hours of sleep and making the most of my first-ever bum days experience.

the first few days were a good start, they went according to plan and as how i pictured them to be. but in a week’s time, i grew tired and i lost interest. being a fast-paced person that i am, i only need a good 2 to 3 days to start rereading all the books we have at home. movies aren’t really my cup of tea. sleeping for long hours gave me headaches and backaches. meeting friends at home made me feel, in some ways, like someone sick who needs visiting. (no offense to my best buds who dropped by at home, of course i loved your visits and the food you brought.) worst, my best guy friend pointed out that i’m gaining weight that fast. that freaked me out. haha. seriously, i guess my deepest being wasn’t just channeled to being a bum. and to top it all, bum days mean lean days and poorer gaze. what’s with being idle with no stream of income? i’m so not used to that!

i’d like to believe i’m used to being productive. so i‘m happy to be back with the working class. and as a bonus, i have a tutorial job on the side to keep me busier (and possibly richer in a few months time.)

i’m just so glad that bum days are over! 

this is my love story-so far.

having finished reading the book i borrowed from ate, 40 stories of finding your one true love, i was inspired to write my own “love story.”

no. i don’t have a current love affair, neither do i search desperately for it. this was all pure leisure read (so much of being defensive. i know.), but i couldn’t help but take note of the significant points i learned along the way.

i thought about how my own love story unfolded. having started out young and being the reflective type that i am, i intentionally drilled into my brain all the lessons there were to learn. and for a little backgrounder, when i was much younger, i believed so much in the beauty and greatness of love. i fancied the idea of getting into a romantic relationship only once and loving only one man. for me, it is a chance of a lifetime. but now that i am older, wiser (and prettier, if i may add. haha), i realized that there are just a lot of great-looking men, so why should i stick to one? kidding. my true realization was this: “some childhood ideas don’t actually happen.” it’s not that i no longer believe that love is great and beautiful—i still do, and will always do. but i learned that some things need to happen (not as how you planned or wanted it to be) because you are meant to learn and struggle from it, and eventually conquer it. i embraced the fact (and I believe everyone should) that one failed relationship is not my dead-end-be-all thing. and though my pride left me heartbroken for that complex love story that i used to have, i never grew tired and bitter over anyone and over love. it had, like any other life experiences, its equal share of upside and downside where i learned bits and pieces of priceless life and love lessons. crazy, but i honestly and sincerely think that that was my sweetest downfall.=D

as of this moment, i am enjoying my single status and unrestricted and unguarded freedom in all ecstasy and bliss, that i focus my energy and passion in working hard, building family and friend relationships harder, and praying hardest. i am having the grand time of my life that the search for that one true love takes a backseat, and instead, i am doing the best i can to be the most beautiful, tenderhearted, compassionate person i can ever be, while i fancy with the idea of the man God has best prepared for me. i know God is still working at him, as He is to me. And silly as it may sound, though he is still a figment of my imagination and the faceless man in the crowd, i seriously get giddy, excited and anticipating with just the mere thought of him—of who my man would be.


(*this blog was written quite a long time ago, and contains my exact thoughts specifically on february 25, 2010. there was nothing so special about the date, except that it was one of my thursday day-offs, when i typically read more than any other day of the week, essentially ponder and reflect on the things, thoughts and ideas i drew out of the book, and eventually “voice them out” through writing. this reflection is something so personal to me that i wrote it on my journal, and kept it there—just there. but now, i simply wanted it to be part of my FB notes, and “voice it out” for real, back in april 14, 2010).

(*talk about old thoughts. but it's only recently that i created my very own official blog site, and i want this old note to be particularly part of it, although some of my good wise words back then don't ring true to this day.)

beginning with an end note

though way past day one of my year (year of the rabbit), i'd like to begin my blog site with an "end note," and by that i mean looking through some not so distant past, my year 2010.

twenty-ten forced me into making several crucial decisions.

it took me a whole lot of thinking days to choose between the familiar-comfort-and-stability offered by my then three-year job in convergys and the venture to the risky-unknown career change in AXA. Not being so much of a risky type myself, i embraced change with all my hopes up and optimism intact, but with wobbly legs and cluttered mind.

it took me four months and a lot of crazy days to finally realize that i was not in the right place. but those same four months and same crazy days helped me know myself better: what makes me hail my ass off the bed every morning, what i constantly bitch about, what drives me nuts and what i'm willing to fight strongly for.

there was the venture to something new...then the venture to nothing at all. With all the bills to pay and half of my siblings' college allowance looming around each month, i committed a career suicide. my strong desire to keep my sanity and win back my optimism made me quit my job in AXA even without a ready job to bounce back to.

and living by my motto, "i am gaze," here I am blogging, typing through my office pc five minutes before my shift starts, able to get by and bounce back big.

2011 targets.goals.plans.dreams.desires.wishes

pay-off debts♥regular mutual fund investment♥regular savings account deposits♥career stability♥travel fund♥AXA life insurance policy♥3 o'clock prayer habit♥passport♥healthy diet♥Kerygma Feasts♥gym membership♥Hong Kong trip♥new home sala set♥Baguio trip♥all-time lover♥Boracay getaway♥Rusty Lopez pumps♥Paulinian grand get-together♥resto exploration♥Forever21 office skirt♥Wensha treat♥dainty dress♥quarterly beach outings♥great-grand family vacation♥lappy jr. restored.