i am trying to recall what were the last words my father and i shared, not knowing then that they will be the last words. it was back in college and i was in school. my first class just finished and it was timely when he called over the (cell)phone. it was christmas season. he was happily sharing how my two younger siblings were with him at his workplace to join the christmas celebration. i can't recall if i had plans of going home, back in the province, to celebrate christmas day with my father and with the rest of the family. the decision to go back home on holidays is not always a practical and financially-sound decision at the time. what i do know was i was thrilled for my father and my siblings and there was a tinge of envy on my part while i listen to his story.

until i was forced to go home, because unknown to us, those were the last verbal exchanges that we will ever get to share.


nine years in, and i am still engulfed with both fond memories and palpable sadness. whenever i talk about you. whenever i think about you.

and i think about you more today than any other day. because you, of all people, are my favorite person to share my innermost thoughts and fears. i wonder what a father has to say to a hurting daughter.