i had a funny experience.
i have a friend who walked out of my life months ago and "came back" recently.
it has been more than half a year, actually. during the first few months, i was kinda devastated. i even tried to revive the friendship we had. but i didn't try hard enough. not because i'm a bitch, but because i am a strong believer of true friendship. and true friendship, to me, means never having to walk out of each other's life no matter how ugly and sour things become.
if someone can't stand the things i do and fail to do, i let them go their merry way. i don't cling on to them and i don't beg them to stay. because there's a whole lot others who will simply let you be, who will get offended when you make harsh remarks, but will accept your apology, who will get hurt when you fail to fulfill your promise but will understand anyway.
in all honesty, i don't harbor any ill feelings when somebody walks out of me. i also do that when i begin to feel that a person is toxic. i get away. it's our right to do so. as they say, we can't choose our parents, but we can choose our friends. it's a freedom we all should take full advantage of.
i was surprised to receive a pm from her out of the blue few days ago, asking me if we are okay, telling me to put the past petty misunderstang/tampuhan/whatever behind and be good friends, just the way we were.
who am i to reject that? i was
okay and i wasn't even mad at her for ignoring me for such a long time.
maybe some friends are like that. they will distance themselves, take a space, and clear their heads. and one day, no matter how long it will take them, they'll be right back, ready to accept that you'll still be the same you--someone who may fail to keep a promise, who will be brutal and honest, and will still want to patch things up and be a friend all over again.
oh girl friends! they can be full of drama sometimes, but i really can't imagine a life without them.
to the only love i know.
days ago, i was thinking about what to give you or what to do to make your birthday a little more special than it already is. i feel compelled to do something extra sweet to compensate to the fact that i'm here and you're there. but truth is, there's really nothing i can do to cover that up.
there are a bunch of significant reasons why this day calls for a celebration--why you were born. but there is one of those reasons that smittens me--you were born for me. do you believe that? because i strongly do.
always, when there is nothing much left for me to think or worry about, i take comfort in reminiscing the times when i first knew you. you were very much a typical highschooler then. we were opposites. i was stiff, serious and unfriendly. you were fun, easygoing, and lovable. many years after, i'm pleased to think that we got to go to the same school, became classmates and that our paths crossed.
do you know that i am proud of you? i'm proud of you because i know exactly who you are. i'm thankful too that you gave me the chance to get to know you to bits, to the depths of your being.
to a friend, you are generous and ever-helpful. many times, i have witnessed that. you give whatever you can give and you help at the greatest extent that you can.
i'll always be amazed too, at how much you love your mom. it's obvious to me and to everyone. and i respect you and people like you so highly. i know too how much you love your dad, even when you don't make it too apparent.
when i think about all the things that you've been through in all the years that passed, i fall more deeply in love with you and i get even prouder of you. you surpassed all of those and you won over them. and you're closer to becoming into a man that you wanted to become.
(i am doing this last minute blogging and you cut me off by making a tango call. but that was actually sweet of you to make that quick call to show tita/mommy to me and me to her ☺. thank you! that just made me love you more.)
i'm lucky to have you. truth is, i'm thankful to God and to the universe that i didn't go through the trouble of meeting and loving a number of men, and having my heart broken numerous times in the end.
sure, i went to a lot of heartaches with you. but i don't regret any of them. i'm glad that it is with you, and YOU ALONE, that i shared all those juvenile mistakes, petty fights and hardcore heartbreaks. i'm glad that after all the bad times, we are together to pick the good times up, and together still to make new ones.
you give me so many reasons to be happy. and i'd go mad thinking about a future spent with somebody else and not you.
i can actually go nonstop pouring out all my thoughts about you. i have plenty of them. but i'm confident i have an entire lifetime to do that.
so for now, all i just wanted to say is that i'm extremely grateful that early in life, i found, and lost, and found once again (thank heavens!) that one man who was born for me, the one who's crazy enough to be willing to understand me and care for me and love me even at my worst.
"it's as if the power of the universe conspired to make you mine.."
-born for you
happy birthday dada! i love you, truly, madly, deeply, for the highschool boy that you were, the man that you are now, and the man that you will become.
there are a bunch of significant reasons why this day calls for a celebration--why you were born. but there is one of those reasons that smittens me--you were born for me. do you believe that? because i strongly do.
always, when there is nothing much left for me to think or worry about, i take comfort in reminiscing the times when i first knew you. you were very much a typical highschooler then. we were opposites. i was stiff, serious and unfriendly. you were fun, easygoing, and lovable. many years after, i'm pleased to think that we got to go to the same school, became classmates and that our paths crossed.
do you know that i am proud of you? i'm proud of you because i know exactly who you are. i'm thankful too that you gave me the chance to get to know you to bits, to the depths of your being.
to a friend, you are generous and ever-helpful. many times, i have witnessed that. you give whatever you can give and you help at the greatest extent that you can.
i'll always be amazed too, at how much you love your mom. it's obvious to me and to everyone. and i respect you and people like you so highly. i know too how much you love your dad, even when you don't make it too apparent.
when i think about all the things that you've been through in all the years that passed, i fall more deeply in love with you and i get even prouder of you. you surpassed all of those and you won over them. and you're closer to becoming into a man that you wanted to become.
(i am doing this last minute blogging and you cut me off by making a tango call. but that was actually sweet of you to make that quick call to show tita/mommy to me and me to her ☺. thank you! that just made me love you more.)
i'm lucky to have you. truth is, i'm thankful to God and to the universe that i didn't go through the trouble of meeting and loving a number of men, and having my heart broken numerous times in the end.
sure, i went to a lot of heartaches with you. but i don't regret any of them. i'm glad that it is with you, and YOU ALONE, that i shared all those juvenile mistakes, petty fights and hardcore heartbreaks. i'm glad that after all the bad times, we are together to pick the good times up, and together still to make new ones.
you give me so many reasons to be happy. and i'd go mad thinking about a future spent with somebody else and not you.
i can actually go nonstop pouring out all my thoughts about you. i have plenty of them. but i'm confident i have an entire lifetime to do that.
so for now, all i just wanted to say is that i'm extremely grateful that early in life, i found, and lost, and found once again (thank heavens!) that one man who was born for me, the one who's crazy enough to be willing to understand me and care for me and love me even at my worst.
"it's as if the power of the universe conspired to make you mine.."
-born for you
happy birthday dada! i love you, truly, madly, deeply, for the highschool boy that you were, the man that you are now, and the man that you will become.
long-overdue birthday blogpost for the first man i ever loved.
i am not a daddy's girl and neither was i his favorite kid. i still believe that majority of the time, he favored the pretty-angelic-faced ate over the snob-tough-and-maldita-looking me. no sibling rivalry intended, anyway.:)
it is, however, safe to say that he was my first love, the first man that awed and amazed me. it must be his wit, humor, and tough love that made me wish, as a young girl, that someday i'll find someone like him. he was the authority i look up to and respect highly. it was his decisions that mattered to me other than my own.
last march 8, he should have turned 48 if not for his untimely demise more than three years back (reminiscing makes me wonder, has it really been that long?). he should have been a young father to grown-ups--ate at 25 and baby at 20. he should have walked with me on my college graduation march. he should have been a proud and beaming father to a up diliman graduate. it's something that he looked forward to as much as i did. and he should walk me or ate or baby, whoever marries first, down the aisle in the future.
whoever i am now, i say that for the most part, i owe it to my father. i learned how it is to become responsible and independent and self-sufficient because he taught me how. and he believed in me more than i believed in myself.
at 22, at the age when young men just start to dream, become idealistic, liberated and exploring, he became a father. and whether that was planned or unplanned, he and nanay did a great job through the years. they were able to raise four awesome children.
he was my biggest fan and my best critic. i can vividly recall how intently he listens to me whenever i have to speak in public, like the bible readings in church, the welcome address on my high school graduation, the impromptu and extemporaneous speeches during school competitions, my reading of class will and testament on our high school prom, my declamation pieces even. he never missed a single moment. always, i'll spot him in the sea of people, nodding in agreement and sometimes shaking his head. and he'll tell me how great i spoke, how pleasant my voice was, or how silly i sounded. he'll tell me the proper way to pronounce a word the next time i read a bible verse in visayan dialect.
i'm way past the age when he became a parent himself. over the years, i came to realize that being so is the hardest role one can ever play in this lifetime, and how he managed to do a very good job is something that blows my mind away.
one day, someday, when i become a parent myself, he'll be my inspiration, just like how he has always been in all my undertakings.
i miss you terribly tatay.
it is, however, safe to say that he was my first love, the first man that awed and amazed me. it must be his wit, humor, and tough love that made me wish, as a young girl, that someday i'll find someone like him. he was the authority i look up to and respect highly. it was his decisions that mattered to me other than my own.
last march 8, he should have turned 48 if not for his untimely demise more than three years back (reminiscing makes me wonder, has it really been that long?). he should have been a young father to grown-ups--ate at 25 and baby at 20. he should have walked with me on my college graduation march. he should have been a proud and beaming father to a up diliman graduate. it's something that he looked forward to as much as i did. and he should walk me or ate or baby, whoever marries first, down the aisle in the future.
whoever i am now, i say that for the most part, i owe it to my father. i learned how it is to become responsible and independent and self-sufficient because he taught me how. and he believed in me more than i believed in myself.
at 22, at the age when young men just start to dream, become idealistic, liberated and exploring, he became a father. and whether that was planned or unplanned, he and nanay did a great job through the years. they were able to raise four awesome children.
he was my biggest fan and my best critic. i can vividly recall how intently he listens to me whenever i have to speak in public, like the bible readings in church, the welcome address on my high school graduation, the impromptu and extemporaneous speeches during school competitions, my reading of class will and testament on our high school prom, my declamation pieces even. he never missed a single moment. always, i'll spot him in the sea of people, nodding in agreement and sometimes shaking his head. and he'll tell me how great i spoke, how pleasant my voice was, or how silly i sounded. he'll tell me the proper way to pronounce a word the next time i read a bible verse in visayan dialect.
i'm way past the age when he became a parent himself. over the years, i came to realize that being so is the hardest role one can ever play in this lifetime, and how he managed to do a very good job is something that blows my mind away.
one day, someday, when i become a parent myself, he'll be my inspiration, just like how he has always been in all my undertakings.
i miss you terribly tatay.
march-starter
it's been almost a month since i last blogged. for that entire period there were many thoughts that ran through my head but i was too lazy to put them into writing. i was even too lazy to entertain them. i just wanted to, for a while, stop making sense of anything and just go with the flow.
my sister pm'ed me, somewhat disappointed, that i don't have any new entry here.
now that vidskip.com is no longer active, which is very heartbreaking, maybe i'll have more time to reflect & blog.
so as i am, at the moment, waiting for ate monette to finish taking a shower, i'm blabbering here. just so i can have an entry for march.
come to think of it, i actually have more sensible thoughts for march other than blabbers like this.
but ate monette is done and it's my turn to take a shower.
more posts for march. ciao for now!:)
my sister pm'ed me, somewhat disappointed, that i don't have any new entry here.
now that vidskip.com is no longer active, which is very heartbreaking, maybe i'll have more time to reflect & blog.
so as i am, at the moment, waiting for ate monette to finish taking a shower, i'm blabbering here. just so i can have an entry for march.
come to think of it, i actually have more sensible thoughts for march other than blabbers like this.
but ate monette is done and it's my turn to take a shower.
more posts for march. ciao for now!:)
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