i thought it's gonna be easy. i was wrong.

i think of this as a test of some sort.

i sure still have episodes when i don't think i can remain firm on my decisions, when i find it tempting to reach out, kiss and make up. i still sometimes succumb to my emotions. but i'm doing well. i know i am. i was.

i have a good back-up. i have the best support group in the world. i have friends who remind me of what i want when i get confused. i have a sister who became unusually sweeter and gentler.

then i got a call. and i'm back to zero.

i used to dream of becoming a lawyer.

a high school friend is reminiscing our high school days this morning. funny how he kept on tagging/mentioning me on twitter whenever an old-time thought comes to mind.

then i began to travel down memory lane too. i realized high school was the grandest time of my life.

it was when i felt i was at my best. it was when i got into the twisted thing called love, for the first time. it was when i thought i can be whoever i want to be in the future.

i remembered i was the team captain of the reigning school debate team. arguing was so ecstatic then. and winning is...delicious. so delicious that it satisfied my unbelievable appetite for achievement and competition.

one of the few teachers i highly regard told me then i'll make a good lawyer someday. i believed him. and i believed in myself.

then everything became hazy after. the used to be crystal clear dreams slowly became blurry until they became unachievable altogether.

i realized, no matter how, in many degrees, i find myself amazing, i suck too. i am not persistent enough. i don't push myself hard enough. i am not reckless enough. i only go for the things i find easy. many times, i settle for less than i deserve.

changing track is long overdue. but it's never too late i believe.

a prologue.

for the past few days, and for the past few hours most especially, i learned so many things about love and relationships.

for one, love, alone, is not enough to keep the relationship going. no matter how great, powerful and grand love is, it's not the only thing in the world that the two individuals need to keep up, to grow up, to flourish.

there are so many other things that should go along with it. a whole lot more.

one day soon, i will find time to sit down and relish all those learnings and document them here.

today has been an ordeal. a good hard one. an ordeal that made me see things more clearly. one that made me so much better, stronger, and in many degrees more awesome.

i'll elaborate soon! ;)