i am a cerebral kind of woman.

i feel i owe the world a detailed narration of my break-up story. i actually promised i'll post one someday soon.

but it has been almost a month since it happened and i wonder whether it's lack of time or plain lack of interest on my part to actually share it in writing that i haven't kept my word until now.

except for the few selected friends that i trusted and shared my story with, i remained silent. i became less coherent when i write, i guess. and live conversations made me saner and more understandable.

then i came across this song and hearing the first two verses is like hearing my own voice.

"now and then i think of when we were together
like when you said you felt so happy you could die
i told myself that you were right for me
but felt so lonely in your company...

you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
like resignation to the end, always the end
so when we found that we could not make sense...

but i'll admit that i was glad that it was over." - somebody that i used to know

truth is, we did not fall out of love, nor did we find someone else to love to lead us to this end.

i just found out we don't make sense anymore. perhaps, we stopped making sense long time ago. i was just too stubborn and firm in my belief that he was the one right for me. until things felt not right anymore. and that my search is not yet over after all.

to come up to this conclusion is not easy. i still get delusional sometimes. but everyday i just become more certain that i'm right about this. never been this right.