i was asked.

"how did you move on?"

that question caught me dumbfounded i wasn't able to think and type a quick reply. if there is one long and painful phase any human will ever have to face, it is that. and as much as i hope that there is formula for it, there is none. what worked for me may not work for somebody.

my friend is hurting and wanted to move on so badly she wants to know the ABC's of it. and i wanted so much to help her. so i thought of what i went through. long and hard.

when you expect the end to come, it's a little bit easier. you prepare yourself even before the breakup takes place. you'll feel when you're growing apart. when you're no longer celebrating but only tolerating each other. when you're too much. you'll see the signs that it's coming so when it does, finally, it doesn't come off as shocking as it is supposed to be. that's what happened to me.

moving on is not something you wait to rush over you like seawaves. it's something you desire and will to happen that you'll do anything to make it work. that may include throwing away everything that reminds you of what you were, deleting photos, and lessening the stalking in social medias until you stop completely. there is nothing you should regret about in losing these memories because you don't need them anymore. they served their purpose. they made you happy at one point. but they're irrelevant now so you let go. you have to. you need to help and save yourself. you can't keep them and keep on looking back. it won't bring you anywhere.

i went through a lot of heartbreaks and breakups before this recent one. i almost gone crazy too. and every single time, i get devastated. but the good thing about it is that i learn more about myself, how i cope, how i handle things, what i should continue doing and what i need to stop doing. and every single time, i am coping better than the last.

i allowed myself to wail. yeah, not just silent-demure-poised cry. i wailed like a kid at 25, complete with stomping of feet and boxing of pillows. that night, i let all the bad thoughts in and consume me. and when they all bottled up inside me, i released them. i emptied myself. and i felt ridiculously good after that.

at a certain period i had to feign strength. i stopped showing the world how frail i am because i don't want its pity. a heartbroken human walking around is not a good sight after all. i faked it until i made it.

sure, i still sometimes wonder how he's doing. if he's dating somebody now. if he's healing. if he's forgiven me for giving up. i wish he did but even if he doesn't, i have to continue moving forward. i had to deal with my own life like how he has to deal with his.

we can only honestly wish them the best, without us. and remember that life goes on. brighter days are coming. and a much better version of you is emerging.