practicum to motherhood.

i'm getting more and more lessons on motherhood these days. only that i have it inverted.

here's why.
my first batch of children did not pass through primary education. my motherhood began with two instant college grown-ups: lui and baby, my younger siblings. even before i graduate in college, fatherless, and hand in hand with my ate, i started providing for them: allowance, tuition and all. i wasn't really able to enjoy the full benefit of being a single yuppie. four years of working, earning small and earning big showed not much difference. always, during every payday, like a mom and dad combined, wary about the family's daily expenses and budget, i have crisp and fresh-from-the-atm bills deposited directly to my sibling's bank account.

now don't get me wrong. there is no bitterness involved here. not even a slightest hint. i admit it was no fun. but i don't regret it either. this situation is one of the many significant reasons why i think i occupy space in this world. i think these kids would be my personal answer to that coffee-brand-tagline "para kanino ka bumabangon?"

then there are my students; korean teens and little ones. every single day i feel a strong desire to not just be an ordinary teacher to them. not only do i teach them grammar lessons, i also listen, as intently as i can, to what they have to say. i think of it as a privilege to be confided with their young love stories, to know their taste in music, to hear their worries and aspirations. i'm there when the little ones throw up tantrums, and though i'm no good at handling them on the first few times, i'm getting better at dealing with them lately.

at 23, i feel too old to be their sister, yet too young to be their mom. but i cherish every single moment when i feel i'm both.

one day, i want to become a great mom. and these experiences may help me fulfill exactly just that.