dear diary, today i had my first plane ride.

so this is my first blog entry written here in singapore.

today i had my first plane ride. i was giddy and all excited, like a preschooler having her field trip. i think i got too overwhelmed that some passengers looked my way when i exclaimed "wow" and "ang nice" many times over. plus, i got the best seat. by the window!

i liked the taking off part. the rising. i even liked the deafening sensation. somehow, it indicated that i'm reaching a different kind of height. unknown. risky. so beyond my reach.

then i liked the part when we're already in the air. afloat. moving. reaching higher even. i took the time to marvel at the beautiful view, the sea and mountain of clouds.

but what i liked best was the landing part, the part when the engine quiets. i don't know, but there is something about the downward falling sensation that i enjoyed best. it felt as if i'm coming home after lingering above.

i think life is like that. you reach heights, but it is the falling that makes you look forward excitedly, or sometimes impatiently, to the time when you have to go down and settle, finally, at last, at long last. 

best friendships

admittedly, for the past weeks, or months even, my life and insights seemed to revolve mostly on love. alvin is the name that established permanence on my facebook wall and in my recent blog posts, so there is no way i can deny how madly in-love i am. he may be the reason why i'm extra flowery than i already am, the reason why my heart flutters frantically. but this is not to say that he is the sole special person and reason why i'm flowery and why my heart is fluttery.

like a scoop of ice cream, a lover makes life sweet, but there are still extra scoops that make life even sweeter. extra scoops called bestriend.

i believe "best friendship" is a necessity. but though it is, i can still imagine life without it. it's a life less memorable, less eventful, less fun.

so lucky are we to find one bestfriend -- the one among the many who stood out, whose friendship is extraordinary, whom you can completely be yourself, without fearing even for one second that you're going to be judged. and most likely, we're okay with just one.

many times i wonder who, then, is the bestfriend that makes me one lucky person. and many times i feel doubly blessed whenever i try to answer that question. it still surprises me to realize that i don't only have one, or two, but 18 (authentic) bestfriends in this planet.

they are my bestfriends not because ours is a smooth-sailing-argument-free-perfect friendships. at certain points, we actually lost touch. each one of them, no exception. at this time and age when text is cheap and facebook is accessible, there were still times when communication became less frequent, until it stopped altogether. we lost touch and stopped seeing each other because we no longer share the same neighborhood, the same school, or the same work environment. more than that, growing up into mature individuals, we've been busy fighting our own battles, making our own mistakes, learning our own lessons, chasing our own dreams, and minding our own business. in all these life hustles and bustles, we drifted apart and away.

in ordinary friendships, we simply lose the magic and we fail to find the way back to each other again. that is one of the many facts of life, people come and go, and we all should deal with it without fretting.

but not with extraordinary friendship. we actually don't lose the connection. we need not to fret because somewhere along the way, we will bump into familiar people who will be back and will stick around for good, and we'll find out that we share and care about each other's battles, mistakes, lessons, dreams and business after all.

so i'm more than lucky to enjoy best friendships with these wonderful people. these are the people who made me feel well-loved even when i am not lovable, who made me feel well-cared for even when i am not caring, who remained to be patient even when i am stubborn.

jona - my walking diary and the best listener, ever.

aishel - we went to huge places together: up, convergys. and i'm glad she was there to provide a familiar comforting presence when all these places were then-scary and unknown.

jhoanna, mae, dianne - they proved to me that a year of shared time is enough to sustain a good and lasting friendship. when i went back, it was as if i never left.

timmy - she pushes me to reason and logic when i don't make sense (and she pushed me to love when i was hesitant and doubting).

may-may, jezza, heidz, leslie, daryn - pbi has been a home to me because of them. they were my support and back-up, and the reasons why high school life was fun.

rejie - his thoughtfulness never wavered even when we are miles and oceans apart. birthday, christmas, new year, not once did he fail to extend a special-occasion greeting.

juriz - reliable, dependable and ever-present. one "hey" and he's rarin' to go wherever and whenever.

ruth - one wouldn't wait a minute to get a text reply from her. (isn't that one of life's simple pleasures, when someone texts you back instantly?) plus she gives good massage too! :)

ruffa - the sweet and maldita friend (a rare combination that i enjoy so much).

joyce - out of the many things we share, faith is my favorite. and her generosity is exceptional, promise!

jac - the encourager. she never runs out of words of encouragement (and i sometimes wonder where she gets all of them).

tets - stalk'ish type of friend, (the type i love so much). we have the same peculiar beliefs, same tall dreams, same unbelievable love for long walks, etcera, etcetera. with so many similarities, i see myself in her, except that she's prettier. (haha)


i know, the one-liners didn't actually capture their worth and the significance they play in my life. their value, simply, are beyond words.


and why am i this mushy at this time of...past-midnight?

well, maybe because i'm thinking of my looming departure and i'm thinking of the people whose company i'll miss the most. :'(

flowers

millions of flowers wither everyday,

...but millions of them bloom too, every second of everyday!

so because i'm flowery (yes tets, i embraced your definition of me. haha) and i just feel like it today:

bliss. elation. delight. pleasure. joy. relaxation. positivity. good vibes...


...and more flowers! :D

the inevitable.

someone died yesterday.

ah. i think i said that way too upfront -- no flowery words, no euphemisms, no sugarcoating.
how does one sugarcoat death, anyway? no matter how careful we try to say it, it wouldn't make it's weight any less.

the person is dead. lost. gone forever.


john died early morning yesterday. he is one of alvin's closest friend, if not the closest. i met him only twice. we didn't have much encounter together and obviously he is not directly related to me. still, i was surprised and somehow saddened by the news. i think of him as a good person, young and promising, and hopes and dreams await him.

but then again, who am i to know that. maybe, his mission is accomplished. his life is spent. his time is up.


reflecting on that, i also remembered someone else whose time was up years back. someone who means so much to me. at that time, i was crushed. i thought his death was very untimely. it was only four months before my college graduation, and some years to go before i can pay off all his sacrifices. (pardon me for bringing this up time and again, i just can't help it. i moved on, but i never forget. how can one forget her father, anyway?)

after tatay's death, all other deaths became less shocking, more acceptable. lolo's. even dumbledore's. michael jackson's. dobby's. snape's.

i know other than lolo (and micheal jackson), all the rest are  nonexistent to begin with. but my point is, i became less attached. before, i really cry even when the death is only within the tv screen, or enclosed in the pages of a book. the stories are make-believe, but i let my emotions rule over me.

when someone dies young, we feel sorry for the person. when old, some still think it's untimely. and when it's at one's prime age, we, the living, are succumbed by regret for his or her life.


dumbledore's wise words to harry ring true:
"do not pity the dead. pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love."


the dead, i came to accept, are in a much better, safer, more beautiful place. there really should be no room for pity and regret. our hearts should be less heavy, and our tears ought to be fewer, not because we love them less, or that their worth is not too esteemed, but because for so many reasons, we must be happy for them.



and for the living, lucky are we to still have time to live some more and love some more...until our time is up.