i am a sister, and a potential killer.

few days ago, my baby sister asked me the question i am not ready to hear. she asked me if she's allowed to have a boyfriend already.

i knew it's coming. she's been showing signs and signals. she's been posting a lot of lovey dovey lines on her facebook wall recently. i didn't mind. i didn't post comments either. i didn't want to react because i wanted to believe it's not anything serious.

i wasn't ready. maybe mine is an exaggerated reaction. my sister is turning twenty next month. her right to be in a romantic relationship has long been overdue, i know. but still, it's not a matter of age, for me.

she'll be past her teenage years a month from now, but i know she's still a little girl--young and carefree.

maybe i just want to give her lessons on love first before she takes the plunge into it. i want her to be emotionally and mentally ready because love is not only about warm-fuzzy-comforting-nice feeling. i want her to know that love is the craziest most dizzying rollercoaster ride, ever. i want her to understand that love is a serious matter. and maybe i was not open to the idea because i don't want her to get distracted now that she has to spend a year more in college before she graduates. i know how crazy and crucial that last year is. and i want her to focus just on that.

maybe i'm too protective of my sister. i don't want some man out there to hurt her feelings. but i know clearly it's something i don't have any control of.

what i do have control of, rather, is my role in her life. i'm her sister. and the best i can be is be her support whenever she needs me. i'll just be there when she's happy or lonely or crazy.

maybe i am wrong about her. maybe she's no longer the baby girl i i've known her to be.

and maybe i have to let her learn her love lessons on her own, like how i've learned them on my own.

and i'll just be around, praying for her and loving her more, and more, and more every single day, ready to kill any man who'll make her cry. ;)