faith, hope and love. and the greatest of these is hope.

the last time i cried this hard was when tatay died.

i cried countless of times for sensible and absurd reasons but there is something about family matters that make me cry differently, as if my whole life depends on it, as if, at that precise moment, the world has ended, as if i lost one body part, as if i'm a lit candle, melting and losing its flame.

i often think i handle things better when the problems are mine personally. what's harder for me to take and deal with is hearing a loved one, and by loved one i mean any of my siblings, break a devastating news to me.

when tatay died i knew someone has to take over and step forward to keep our family together. someone has to be the strongest and the bravest among the strong and brave. i believed ate and i took that responsibility together, hand in hand. we shouldered the weight of the responsibility that should have been carried by one person alone. and we're lucky we have each other.

so when tonight, she called me to say that she lost her job, one day before our flight back home for our youngest sister's graduation and my mom's birthday celebration and our family's most-awaited and well-planned reunion, that she won't be coming home with me so she can have more time to sort things out and set a good "bounce back plan," i was devastated. i was shocked out of my wits.

but i knew i can't be weak now. not this time. i can't be frail because she needs me to be strong. i need to keep my strength intact so she can sustain her own. and even when it was so tempting to blame her for what had happened and pity her for how things turned, the last thing she needs now is a pain-in-the-ass-and-ego sister.

once more, our faith is put to test. the universe is playing tricks on us. time and again we are reminded that we're strong and that we'll emerge from this gracefully and even stronger than the last time we ever proved ourselves strong.

in a moment like this, during one's downfall, i'm really glad we have each other. that's a comforting thought enough to bounce back, big.